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An Adoptee Who's Struggling
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I was born premature at 30 weeks gestation and placed into foster care right after birth. I was lucky though, I didn't go from home to home, I was placed in one home and was lucky enough to be adopted by my now adoptive parents, my adoption was finalized at the age of two. I say I was lucky, but yet I still deal with a lot of pain.
However, even from the young age of two I constantly would ask for my real mother, my adoptive mother recently told me that when I was just over two years old I said the following, "Am I all better now, no more sick?" "Yes, hun, why?" "Will you tell my real mother she can come and get me now and take me home." I apparently would ask this over and over and my adoptive mother said it broke her heart time and time again, of course hearing this made me feel guilty. From that age on I pushed and pushed my adoptive parents to let me meet my biological parents and at the age of fifteen my adoptive parents gave in and contacted my biological mother and the ball got rolling. It was a relationship that was controlling and verbally abusive on my biological mother's part, but even to this day even though my biological mother has nothing to do with me I still long for her love. I feel like a burden on my adoptive family, I deal with many physical health issues and obviously mental health issues, my psychiatrist believes many of my issues are triggered from being adopted. My relationship with my adoptive family isn't great. I barely talk to my siblings, I am not close with my adoptive parents and I live at home still. I am in therapy and I am trying to repair these relationships with my family but it seems that the damage is already done and I have no one else but myself to blame. Stuff like this makes me wish I was never born and that my biological mother had just gotten the abortion that she wanted in the first place, then it would have saved a lot of families a lot of pain. Sorry, I needed to vent, I am struggling right now. Posted on 06/10/12, 02:10 am |
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I'm sorry you are in pain. I can hear it in your words. What you have been through was not easy. I hope you can come to a place to where you aren't struggling anymore. Everyone needs to vent. *HuGs* 
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I know how u feel i wuz wid my birth peeps till i wuz 1 in a half da cps peeps took me dey put me in a foster dat adopted me since it wuz a closed adoption cuz i wuz not given up i can not go bak ta dem i tryed da adoption agency dey r so no help i cant get any were wid out my adopted peeps ta bak me up but der so screwed up dt dey cant even help dem selves i am a burden on my adopted peoples dey have told me many times dat i am usless an junk like dat I got out soon a i could lived on da streets many of times sum times da adopted peeps welcome me bak i would never stay more den a day or 2
venting helps a lil blaming ur self will get u no were i know ive done it i fell in ta da trap of my adopted peoples thinkin dey r right but it wuz da state dat messed diz up it int ur fault ur birth parent thought givin u up wuz da right ding dey probley were scared an thought dey doin da best for ya u want awnsers do u remember da state u were in when u were adopted? eazy ta find adoption agency number give dem ur birth date an socal security number an hopfully its a opend adoption so u can get a evalope of stuff from ur birth peoples an mabe even get ta meet dem
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I completely understand how you feel!!
My story is a long one, but I'm willing to share if you would like to message me. My bio-mom has screwed me over so many times. She has made me cry. She has hurt me in ways I didn't even know i could be hurt. She even told me 2 years ago that I was too much for her, and she was sick of me and had been for a while and it was time I knew it. She then told me to have a nice life and I haven't heard from her, or my brother, since then. Yet I still want her love and acceptance. My partner and I have been discussing children lately.. and I am afraid to have kids because I'm worried I'll be exactly like my mother. My adoptive family doesn't understand my need, my craving, for my biological mothers love. And I can't explain it. It's just one of those things you have to go through to understand how another feels about it. Message me at any time. I try to get on every couple of days. I hope you're feeling better, and if you're not, get ahold of me. I'd be happy to listen to you vent.
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I hope you can repair your relationship with your adoptive family. I think what you should do is long for the love of the parents who kept you and loved you all this time, because in all reality they are your real parents. It makes you more special that they picked you out! I was adopted and i met my bio-mom about 8 years ago. But shes not my mom, and i will not call her mom (my own reason and for the fact that my mother would kill me if i did :) It wasn't always perfect with my adoptive family and sometimes i felt like the black sheep. But it does sound like if you stop pushing them away that they would do the same in return, because it does sound as if they still love you by still letting you live at home and such. I hope things can get better. And i hope someday you can repair your relationship with your adoptive parents. Good luck!
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hi im john .
i agree with what pandy love has shared and would like you to know that things are not your fault you are not the one to blame as soon as you can accept that you will start to move ahead. im 64 i was allways told i was adopted i had a loving family but as i grew older i longed to find my mum . i like you felt like i didnt belong my uncles aunts cousins all belonged to another family so i know the feelings you are going through. please dont be hard on yr adoptive parents they will have gone through lots of ups and downs for you to but THEY ARE STILL THERE FOR YOU. at 23 you are only starting lifes journey allthough bio mum rejects you at this stage in life that may well change later. you dont know her reasons for rejection but she may also have issues to deal with such as a new relationship perhaps where the partner does not know about you and mums having to find how to deal with that. i was involved with an adoption group in new zealand and was one of only a few men that attended most were woman a lot mothers who had given their babbies up and the pain was very noticeable im sure in her own time she will come and want to be part of your life this may be a long way away but you must make sure that you try to keep lines open or discreetly keep track so that when that time comes(and im sure it wll) that it will be so much easier to find each other. i do hope this has been of help to you. take care and keep the chin up smiles allways last longer than frowns. hugs for you and good luck girl. if you would like a friend to chat to im on skype john.boy318 regards john.
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Wow, I too went through a similar situation...adopted through foster care as a baby...
I had the same longing my whole life to meet my biological mother, kept me up most nights. Then around 22 years old, I gave up. But she ended up finding me. The first few years were great..she's "off" but I felt that I had a lot of questions answered. We don't have a close relationship now, maybe see her once / year or every other year. But I had a serious talk with myself and came to terms that blood is thicker than water, but family is thicker than blood. I feel more related to my parents than any blood relative. It will get better. I promise! Hang in there!
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