What is Adoption
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Adoption results in the severing of the parental responsibilities an...
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need some advice please
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Hi I have had a very dificult time getting to know my biological family
I have started having good relationships with some but others are very dificult My sister said she would like me to write to her and so I did ,that was last August.I sent it registered mail so she must have received it.So far I have had no response. Question: should I write again and then give up or give up now? I am going to stay with our brother soon and I don't want her to thinkk that I am not trying with her but if she doesn't want contact that is hard.She did request i send the letter?? My other sister and I were going really well.The last time we saw them though my son misbehaved and and I haven't been able to talk to her since then.She originally thought my kids were terribly well behaved but hers are little and she hasn't faced puberty yet and therefore i feel she lacks that understanding of that age.Surely one little problem sholdnt cause her to stop talking to me? She never answers the home phone and not the mobile either.The main ohone usually rings twice and then goes on some kind of message bank.If I send an email I am ignored. Please don't think I do this often but I tried to contact my nephew to wish him a happy birthday and was unable to. Do I give up?Do I try again? My son is turning 18 this weekend and he wanted me to invite the second sisters family,do i try to invite them? Please offer some advice Posted on 10/19/09, 05:10 pm |
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Hi Mouse, Wow can I relate to your story! I too am an adoptee having difficulty trying to establish relationships with bio siblings. and bio dad. Naively I assumed there would be this instant connection when I found them. The reality though is that you are strangers to one another and it takes time to build relationships. One brother will not ackowledge my existence. With one of my sisters the relationship just never took. We are very different and other than our genetics we found we had little in common. I'm in the process of getting to know another sister, but it is hard. We speak on the phone once a week and I am taking it slow. Since you asked for advice, here goes: Sister #1 - the ball is in her court; I would let her make the next move. Perhaps when you stay with your brother you'll get to see her and she may open up about why she didn't respond to your letter. Sister #2 - At the risk of being too blunt, she (for whatever reason) has made it clear that she does not want contact right now. If you are anything like me, I imagine you are feeling very hurt right now. For your own peace of mind you need to let go and not take it personally. Also ask yourself, do you want a relationship with anyone who would treat you so cruelly?
I wish you the best of luck and be good to yourself! 
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my brothrer lives a long way from me and almost as far from my sister so there won't be any chance of seeing her.Hopefully after my visit my brother will be singing my praises but i doubt it as they dont seem to talk to eachother very often.lol
i get on really well with my brother's wife on the Phone so i am really hoping we will be the same in person I am really looking forward to it but scared at the same time. thankyou so much for your advice and hug
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I would wait a little bit and then try again. What can it hurt? You never know. Maybe she is going through something and it has nothing to do with you? My friend just called me after 2 years! She never returned my calls and I never stopped praying for her and now I find out she was going through a really difficult time. So I would not assume anything at this point. There may be reasons you don't know about. After a few more times, I would send her a "final" letter politely stating that it appears she does not want a relationship at this time but to contact you if she changes her mind.
I guess the mush in me says don't give up and don't stop praying.
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I too would keep sending letters, every few months and at some point ask the question, "do you want to get to know me? I really want to get to know you" I understand how you feel, I got to know my sister and brothers on my mom's side but on my dad's side I have 3 sisters that do not want any contact. One sister sent me a email years ago but nothing after that. I think she just wanted to know if I was after something with our father, money maybe? Not sure...but even my dad has backed away, I use to get calls and letters from him, but nothing for the last few years. I say it's their loss... :)
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thankyou so much it's great to get some feedback when you want to be sure you are doing the right thing
I would just want the sister who i was hoping to write to me,know that i am trying with her.Especially as i am staying with our brother and have had more contact with other sister.At least she knows then i am not trying to leave her out.And then i can let it rest.
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