Adoption Support Group

I am a psychologist and work with foster and adoptive children. I appreciate your ultimate concern for the children who seem to have found parents who are unwilling/unable to care for their children's emotional and physical needs.

I recommend that the both of you ask yourselves if you believe the children's mother and father will have the ability to provide a nurturing, structured home for these children in the next few years. If not, I recommend adopting the children for their own well-being. Something has gone awry when parents seem uninterested in raising their children but some parents do end up there. I believe it would take a lot of work and soul searching on the parents' behalf if things were to ever change for the better.

If the parents can't step up to the plate then the sooner they need a loving and secure home. I believe the act of adopting them will give them a sense of relief and hope that their lives are finally settled. I would also recommend the consideration of counseling to support the adjustment and help the children grieve the emotional loss of their parents.


That's my opinion and you are smart to get a few others before making your final decision.

I hope this is helpful.

Adopt. thats really all there is to say. If you feel like its right then fight for it.

I dont think there is any easy answer to your concerns.You sound a very caring and wonderful grandmother and i am sure you could offer him the love and stability he needs.

Has your daughter ever been checked for post natal depression?Just a thought as it can last quite awhile and not be obvious to anyone hence her disinterest.

Every child deserves a safe and loving home.Maybe if you set things in motion the dad will realise how serious you are and want his boy back.This could cause you great upset too.
It is sad for Bug to think that his parents didnt want him as he will eventually ask this one day.
As an adopted child i understand the circumstances around my adoption but there is a little voice that asks could they not have tried harder to keep me.Maybe you could ask his parents to each write him a letter so he will cope better when he is old enough to understand.
And the last thing i can say is go with your gut instinct because i think when we do we are usually correct,we can offer advice but you know your daughter and you know Bug.What does your heart and mind tell you to do?

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

We are still no closer to making a decision, it's tough to know what the right thing is to do. It's a big step and will take time.

Thanks again for your input and feel free to keep them coming here or email me privately.

Liz

As an adopted child, i say adopt. Otherwise it might always seem like a temporary home, with the implication that it might change at any point.

If biological father wants to fight you on that, then he has to start paying child support.

In my opinion you should adopt him. It sounds like the father will probably always be one of those people who are never stable. Yes the boy needs stability and consistency and has that with you. Financial problems will always be there. But good structure, boundaries set by you, and stability is important. It seems he's already getting that from you. But I do think it would be good if you made it legal. I mean, what does it show Bug if he sees his father or mother wavering back and forth on whether or not they want to raise him? That can't be good for his emotional development. And it wouldn't be a very nurtering atmosphere.

We've decided that when income taxes come in we will find a lawyer and begin the process to adopt Bug. We may try sooner, but without a lawyer.

We did the custody without a lawyer, we just filed the paperwork with the court. I found papers agreeing to relinquish custody and I thought if we could get both parents to sign and notarize them, we could file them with the court. If that doesn't work, we'll get a lawyer with the income tax returns.

I wanted to give biodad some time to see what he would do without his family 'forcing' him to see his son. In the last 5 months he has not seen, asked about, or given support for his son; and he works with my husband...talk about awkward.

My daughter, Bug's Mom, is here at least every 2 weeks and that wouldn't change even when we adopt.

We plan to stay PapPaw and Grandma, to avoid confusion, until he is old enough to decide what to call us...although that may change sooner.

This is uncharted territory for us, so it's all trial and error...I just hope we don't make too many mistakes.

Thank you everyone for the advice.