What is Adoption
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Adoption results in the severing of the parental responsibilities an...
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should i adopt my kids out
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hi im wondering if i have anger problems from years of abuse or is it another form of mental illness and if so should i adopt my kids out . ill describe to yous what is happening sometimes if my computer is playing up i feel a tight not in my chest very quickly and i have the urge to yell at it the not is very weird its like everything bad in your life is suddenly in your chest and you wont to yell and scream at the world. Also when i tell my 2 year old stand up please so mummy can put your pants on she will suddenly ignore me and do something else i feel so angry like i could throw something or yell at her. I also feel like everyone is laughing at me when this happens and i feel like a evil big bully like i feel something evil in me or around me that is doing this on purpose sometimes when the whole day is bad i feel that every1 caused it and i start to see a picture of a woman in my head thats snobby i used to be picked on at school by these girls and i feel so angry that every other woman out there is so perfect and stuck up and its like i hate em all at that second i hate it that they got perfect lives and cars and there stable and i feel everyone looks down on me all the time like im scum i feel so mad inside i wont to see somehing bad happen to them. And then theres my kitten who is all ways pestering me for food even if i feed him 3 times a day and ive wormed him to and he get premium grade mince every night. I start to feel he is so selfish and that all he cares about is him dam self even when im going without food to feed everyone and im hungry the kitten keeps taking and taking and so does everyone else im so sick of it i wont to pick kitten up sometimes and smash his head on the wall even the kitten is so much better than me and looks down at me and laughs at me and gets what he wonts before me so the kitten is doing this then my daughter is demanding something off me and i wont to scream. ontop of that ive got barely any money some weeks only have 30 for groceries cant buy a car cant get out of homeswest house either as dont have enough and the kids around here keep turning my hot water off i am so sick of it i cant do this any more.Iam so angry with my aunty she is unwell from athritis and has lots of friends then i feel shes so selfish and stuck up cause she helps so many people and wont let me help at church then when i need help from here shes often busy going out to tea or helping this lady that makes herself sick i cant belive it and i hear laughing in my head telling me that everyone else is more important than me and that my aunty thinks shes better than me and im way under her and that everyone at her church thinks there better than me i see my auntys face in my head looking all superioir and looking down on me i feel so angry and hurt and my dam mum has disowned me like she disowned half of her friends and like how her mum disowned her i feel so angry that i tried so hard to please her and do what she wonts me to do that when i did start being myself she rejected it i wont to shake her so hard how dear she do that to her own kid Ive never done drugs or been an alcholic or bashed her or the house ive had deppression thats it and she belives thats a sin and had kids out side of marriage. She even told me off one day cause i said i forgave some one and told me how dear you say that infront of your brothers you have really hurtt them. i couldnt understand at all ploease help i feel im sinking so quick real bad iam so hurt and angry. Is this anger that can easily be controlled or are my kids and myself at risk from me should i adopt my kids out because of this
Posted on 03/29/09, 12:03 pm |
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It sounds to me like you could use a good long period of rest. Some time to get back in touch with yourself. When I get to feeling like you do, it's usually because I'm burned out. All of these dark feelings seem to arise when my energy level and mood are low. The thoughts go with the low mood. It's important not to make big decisions during a low mood because we lack perspective.
Moods like this will pass, and things will look differently, but energy is key. We need to get regular periods of rest and recouperation, or we will stay in a funk and things will seem worse than they really are. Get the wieght of the world off your shoulders, try to let it all go for awhile- even 5 minutes at a time is helpful. This is hard at first but it gets easier. Let go of control. Your not crazy, just caught up in the drama. Like all of us. 
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Wow, you do sound stressed. If there is a crisis phone line in your area, I would call it if I were you it sounds like you could use someone objective to talk with. You are taking a huge step here in helping your children by admitting that you are overwhelmed and stressed. Good for you, hang in there and let us know how you are doing. I know I have been overwhelmed before and usually having someone to talk to helps. Good luck.
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hi thanks guys for the advice but i was looking on internet last night and it looks like my pychosis has come back im gonna go to doctors today to see what they say and ive just started seeing a counsellor to so hopefully things will look up.or its chronic depression but i think my phychosis has come back in the early stages
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As I read this I can't help but feel inside that you have done small things that you are not proud of, maybe threw the kitten accross the room, or smacked it a couple times. Maybe called the kids some names you aren't proud of or out of pure frustration slaped one accross the face or something. You now feel so bad by the things you have done that you want someone to tell you what to do to protect "them" from you. You are on the right track for saving yourself from this horrible self hating cycle. You need to find a safe place for your children to reside for the time being. Their father, a family member, friend, someone from church. Just find someone before you do something REAL harmful to them. I think your plate is full enough, you don't need a pet, maybe consider finding kitty a new home and aleviating that stress from yourself. You are not a bad person, you are just in need of help, emotionally, physically and mentally. You will be in better shape to take care of you and your children when you get the help you need. You mention you think your psycosis has come back. Alot of people who suffer from psycosis issues tend to think they don't need their medication anymore because they feel better. Honey for the sake of yourself and children NEVER stop taking your medication. It's the only thing that keeps you grounded enough to care for them. Material things are not important, if I took you to a parking lot and said pick out the nicest car, and then we went into the building and I said, Ok now tell me who the car belongs to, you wouldn't be able to tell me. It's a driveway accessory that does not define who we really are, because few know us by our car, or lable on clothes ect. You can do this, you have been through alot and you are strong, but you have a comitment to God and those kids, if you are POSITIVE that you can not or do not wish to keep that comitment then I say think of other homes for the kids. If you don't really want that, but don't want to hurt them, then right now !! This second go to them, hug them tightly and then get on the tele and call to find a safe place for them, then hug them again! and go get help. That is the best advice I can give. Good luck dear and know that I have taken time away from my child to write this, so you must mean something to me or I wouldn't have bothered. I wrote this because you need to hear the truth and you need to get in action and protect your self and your kids. HUGS
Michelle
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please do not give ur kids up, then u will become even more angry at yourself for this. My hubby does the same thing, its called explosive anger(is a mental illness), you need rest and mostly u need to see a doctor that can prescribe u some medication that will help you deal with the anger....Its hard to overcome, but ur children are well worth the effort to get treatment. You are not a bad person because u are angry, you just have issues controlling it, and sometimes it just fustration, cause sometimes my little ones make me want to snap too!!! I feel crazy, but I have lost 1 child to a forced adoption and I know the anger in me and at other for what they did to me, I know that my other kids need me and that is the important part, I stay sain for them. Just take a few days away from the kids and do something like just sleep late and enjoy the quietness. A break will amaze u and try not to focus on the things that drive u angry that they do, sometimes they know what buttons to push for the reaction and there they have you! Just try not to show the anger to them, and go to ur room for a brak or lock the bathroom and take a breather for a min or so, and u will she that they will stop looking for the reaction of u yelling! Kids are smarter than we give them... good luck, I pray taht u will keep ur kids and find another way of dealig with the anger!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
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I used to feel like that. I think what might help you is if you could have your kids stay somewhere for a while, where they will be taken care of and you won't have to worry about them, and you get some rest and some mental help. I had to. I still get mad real easy when I'm tired, about all kinds of things. I was picked on in school about being shy and that really messed me up. It turns out I am bipolar. My psychiatrist and my therapist helped me figure things out and get things straight for me. They prescribed me some medicine to help stabilize my moods and bring me out of my depression. But the thing that helps me the most is to talk to God about it and ask for help.
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instead of giving them up permnantly see if there s a family member who can take them in for a few while you get the help you need from a therapist , sounds like depression maybe BP. i hope you get the help you need.
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Kitten,
Been thinking about you alot. I hope that you have followed through with seeking professional help. If they prescribe medication, don't be ashamed to take it. Most emotional/mental illnesses are based in genetics and chemical imbalances. If you were a diabetic, you would take insulin, wouldn't you? In addition to seeking medical advice and evaluation, going to regular counseling is also important. If you really feel you cannot cope right now, perhaps until things become more balanced, there may be someone to take your children on a temporary basis where you can still visit with them. You obviously love them dearly or you wouldn't have reached out on their behalf. Prayers are with you!
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You have some good advice posted here. Never make a major decision when under stress. If you have some close group or church that you can trust, then get away for a day or two. Even over night. There are organizations that will provide help. It is sometime impossible to find them or even collect your thoughts under stress and depression.
There are ways to cope. Remember take it day to day. If you look at the big picture for days, weeks. months and years ahead it will completely overwhelm you. Remember, today, this hour, I am fine. Breathe. Have a bit of quiet time. You have the ability to do today. Right now. Be at peace, right now! "But tommorrow!!!!...." No right now be at peace. Tomorrow do the same. Each day, the same. The Bible says that by worring you can not add anything. Each day has it's own problems. So today......right now....Be Still. Breathe. You can do this right now! Be still and know that God is there. Look around you. Little things are happening. Enjoy them. Enjoy today. You can do it. You have more strength that you will ever know!! Paul
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