What is Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia ALL
Acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL), also known as acute lymphocytic leukemia, is a cancer of the white blood cells, characterised by the overproduction and continuous multiplicatio...
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How can I tell my family that they are jerks?
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I am a mother of 3, wife, and owner/operator of 2 daycare centers with over 100 children between the 2 centers. My life was very hectic before the ALL diagnosis and now it is unbelievably hard.
My problem is that I am working very hard to bring a sense of normalcy to my household, but my extended family members (on both sides) are making me crazy. My son is 12 years old and he was diagnosed on 10/5/2009 with ALL. He immediately started undergoing chemotherapy and was put on a lot of pills. I know this is common for ALL children, and the treatment or doctor's visits are not problematic for me. My problem is that my family feels that since they prayed for my son and they believe God will heal him of the cancer that I should have no worries and things should immediately return to the way they were. I live 50 miles from my nearest relative, but they still call me for help. My mother told me that I needed to take her to see my grandmother who was put in a nursing home for a week to do physical therapy, my aunt called and fussed at me for not going to see my grandmother(who was coming home 2 days later and had been visited by several other family members), my mother-in-law called me during chemotherapy and told me I needed to "swing by her house real quick and pick up the pie she baked for me" then she bombarded with funeral stuff and asked me for $495 to pay for my sons cremation (remember diagnosis came 10/5/2009), my sister who wants to move to another state is trying to get money, my sister (who praises GOD in her daily life to the point where it is sickening) just decided to pop up at my home (with her 6 bad children ages 1 to 10 who stay sick) for a visit without calling first. No one has offered any real help and those who offered have not followed through. In real life, I could never express the feelings that I just expressed in the previous paragraph because I think it's mean. So, I need to know how do I let my family know that I want them to leave me alone because I have nothing to give. I don't want to be there shoulder to cry on, their financial support, or their go'fer anymore. I just want to take care of my children and keep my household calm and happy throughout this process. They feel that I am rich because I own the daycares, but I am not making money yet because the business is too new! Strangers have helped more than my family, but I don't know what I am expecting for my family to do. I don't know if I want financial help, or if I want them to solicit donations....I just don't know. I do know that I am mad at them for acting like my sons health condition is nothing. I mean, my mother told her church that God healed my baby within 5 days of his diagnosis! They are crazy!!!! It is hurting me so bad watching him go through all of this, but it is infuriating dealing with my family. How do I deal with my family? Posted on 11/09/09, 12:11 pm |
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Hello MsLottie,
My name is Rustyann and I have ALL's and I'm 16. I know I'm a teen and trying to give advice to adult but this is what I think needs to happen and please understand I'm not trying to be rude. You need to tell your family that right now you need their support ad if they need help there is others around tht is willing to help them if they ask. Make sure they unerstandthe point that you need to be there for your son. When I write this next sentence pleae please don think im a rude teen please but you need to tell our mother in lw that why pay for a funeral when our son isnt dead!!!! that will mke your son feel worse cus then it seems that all hope is lost but its not. and your isters kids that are sick nees to stay away cus his immune system is down cus of th chemo (((I know how that is!!))) Like i said I know im 16 trying to give adice to an adult but I hope this helps if possible if your son feels up to it he could write me cus we could chat about anything cus I know what hes going thru Rustyann 
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First, hugs for you and your son as knowing somewhat what you are going through in respects of a new diagnoses of your child.
As coming from a large family and having my daughter recently diagnosed with ALL as well it is over whelming and while we were in the hospital it was hard to tell people to stay away lol. I promise as time goes on you will have to tell people how it is. I know we were given a lot of reading material from the hospital for families and caregivers. I let those read through that to help them understand the illness, side effects and health issues (your sisters sick children is a huge concern). At times I stopped answering the phones and just had people I knew would be positive and supportive around. You have to do what's best for you and your son. I'm sorry your family isn't being more supportive. With all that ... how is your son doing? How are you doing? Good luck and hopefully you find a balance
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My son has just completed the induction phase and now we are moving forward. Mentally he is wonderful, but physically the new chemo has a different effect on him. He doesn't like to complain, so getting him to let me know when things are bothering him is like pulling teeth. I just watch him a little more closely to see if he shows any outward signs of discomfort.
I am really new to any type of internet relationships, but I have found that this community really seems to get me. Thomas, my son, is more into youtube and funny stuff, but he likes when I share the messages from daily strength with him. I went ahead and let my family know that they weren't being supportive and I really upset some of them. However, since I let them know my home has been so much happier. I have not had to worry about anyone's problems and I have been able to focus completely on my children and husband. Last night I got the best sleep I have had in 7 years! I didn't realize that things would get so much better for us when I stopped being the back bone for so many others, nor did I realize how quick things would change. I had been wanting to take my children to a museum for a couple of years now, but with the hectic life I was living I never had time to do anything with them accept go grocery shopping on Saturday. They went to the museum yesterday and had a blast! The day before that we spent an entire day at the library hanging out and doing home school; it was delightful. I know that this may seem strange, or maybe it doesn't, but being placed in a situation of having a child who has cancer has made my family closer. It has changed the way we all look at everyday life and taught us not to be so uptight and schedule oriented. We are taking things one day at a time and we are getting as much as we can out of each day. My mother was so upset that I let people know how they have hurt me and she told me that I should not listen to my support community's advice because it is ungodly. She told me that I should just let God know my problems and wait until he works them out for me. She said some advice should be listened to and left right where it is. Two weeks ago I would have never been able to do this, but I told her that I would take her advice and leave it right where she gave it. I let her know that there was nothing ungodly about me wanting my family to be respected and supported. I told her that if it hurt someone's feelings to know how they are acting then they probably should look at themselves.
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