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Wednesday June 19, 2013
Rambling Stories
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WAS TO BE THE BOOK SALE AT THE LIBRARY. I WAS PLANNING ON GOING FOR 3 WEEKS NOW. ACTUALLY MUCH LONGER. BUT NOW I AM FEELING LIKE CRAP. DOWN DOWN DOWN.
MISERY. MISERY MISERY.
GOD GOD GOD
TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME
NOW NOW NOW
CANT LIVE MY LIFE.
I WANT OUT - Advertisement
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Guide me back out of the darkness. Hold my hand as the things get better in my life.
As my sad horrible red sad face goes back to the green happy face again.
hold my hand
be with me
pray for me
thank you -
Very down. not enough energy to even take a shower. Lay in bed in this miserable place. all the time. mostly. very hot and humid. way too hot for May here. all kinds of insects outside like it was the tropics here. it is a hellhole.
my room looks like a pig sty. my body itches all over and i stink. not enough energy to take a shower or even brush my teeth.
watching every day as the co...
very hard to recover in this climate. Trying to get some rest and recovery. too much noise and stress here. to top it off it was like 95 degrees in the shade. way too hot for May here. Plus a raging fire in the foothills northwest of here and the air is bad to breath. smog.
thats it for today. hoping for some relief and a breath of fresh air.I live in a toxic environment. Everyday it is overkill here. Almost worse than being in a psych hosp. It is no wonder that i go in and out of doing drugs and wanting to commit suicide. It is a hellhole here. The place has demons. Nothing grows here. Even the lawn is dying off. Only things that thrive here (other then the crazy people here) are ants, fleas, mosquitos, flys, and other various insec...
Not much to say today. Still kind of down in the dumps. It is boring here today. The noise and stress is gone for now. Might go fly a plane.
The hot weather has gone. In came the wind and now rain.
I am hoping things begin to make a turn for the better.
Hanging in here.I have been trying new vitamins. Two people said maybe i have hypothyroid.
The heat has brought in the ants and spiders and fleas. My room is very uncomfortable. If i could just muster the energy to clean it. That would be a big step forward.
I would sleep nonstop. Just get up to eat or go to the bathroom. Then go right back to bed. Sometimes i would wake up and not even know if it was day ...
Going to eat one of those fruit pies. smoke a cigarette. and work in the front lawn.
oh. and drink a glass of water.
just becauseThe dopeman from around the way knocked on me window again a coupla days ago. He is so cool - he lives in a tent at the side of the railroad tracks by my home. He is my only friend now. Somehow we can relate in being both addicts and also poor citizens in a screwed up place called here!
The allure of addiction is just too powerful to resist. I at first ignored the knocks. He went away. The second...
Well i am just now starting to feel better. The recovery lasts a few days. No new knocks on my window.
Trying to recover in the climate i find myself is difficult. it is a practical helter-skelter. It is very humid here. Normally the air-conditioners don't come into use till July or August for sure here. They have now been in use about a month now here. Just a little example of a "positive feedba...





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