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Discussion:
Is masturbation violating abstinence?
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I was just curious on others take on this question. If you masturbate are you still being abstinent? The bible speaks of lust and that even lusting in your heart is wrong. It does not explicitly forbid masturbation. So if you indulge in masturbation w/o lust is this wrong? I'm not here to debate or question of the religious grounds here, so much as to see if anyone here thinks mastubation is NOT being abstinent. Then again maybe women don't have these urges. Was always told women aren't really into sex. For me sex is about going to a deeper level of intimacy after emotional intamacy has been achieved. Ah heres one for ya. Anyone have thier Dad say "You wouldn't buy a pair of shoes w/o trying them on first now would you" as if the two can be compared. The beautiful gracious act of giving yourself completely to your spouse. Or for the ladies your mom ever say "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" Its never that simple is it? I'm just a gentleman and nice guy who respects women. Whats so wrong with that? I look forward to your replies. -Bob

PS:
One advantage you ladies have your peers commend you for ceibacy. With guys they look on you as being either gay, or somehow less than a man.It's shameful for guys somehow by thier standards. -Bob
Posted on 03/21/07, 10:44 am
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Reminder: This is a support group for Abstinence & Celibacy. We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

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Comment:
Email me when others reply to this topic help
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Reply #11 - 11/17/07  2:38am
" I actually like to say a little prayer before pleasuring myself. :D Something like, "Please forgive me before hand, God. I'm weak. I'm stupid. I'm only human. I'm sorry." And just get it over with. "
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Reply #12 - 11/22/07  10:19pm
" I do believe that if you masturbate that you are still being abstinent.

I do not base my choice on religious teaching. I'm looking for more than the average love affair. I want to give true love a chance and how can you find true love if you are otherwise occupied in a physical relationship? After all, someone who is true is not the kind of person to lust after/want or pursue someone who is in another relationship of that kind or level.

I don't see a problem with a masturbatory session that does not involve lust. I don't watch porn because of the objectifization of all parties involved. Women do have these urges. Don't think that we don't. Contrary to popular belief and stereotype, women have lust, women have wet dreams, and women are visually stimulated. I am merely referring to the physical and sexual aspects.

However, one thing that most guys don't know is that in order for a woman to have good sex she has got to trust her partner. The trust center in a woman's brain must be accessed before she can have an orgasm. Which is why when a woman is in a relationship that she is unsure about she has a very difficult time being receptive sexually even when that is how her mate wants to reconnect with her. She just can't.

Sorry about the tangent there. . .

Not all of my peers understand my celibacy/abstinence. Some do and some do not. Men just look at me like I grew a second head. They ask, "What do you do with all of your time?" or "What do you do for sex?" Also, men tell me, "Its not possible!" "You walk like you have sex!" "You're such a tease!" I don't even touch them. How they get there, I really don't know. "Why do you dress so sexy then?" Why should I hide my natural girlieness just to make you not be attracted to me? Why do guys equate something about a woman that is attractive to be a come on? Just because you're cute does not mean that you want to be touched!!!!!!

So, Bob, it is refreshing for their to be a nice guy in the world. I don't think its shameful that you are celibate, it just makes you more of a catch imo. "
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Reply #13 - 11/23/07  4:01pm
" I think that it isn't. Despite celibacy and abstinence being nearly interchangable to many people, they are not the same, despite what wikipedia or the dictionary says. Abstinence is abstaining from sexual intercourse with another person (oral or vaginal). Celibacy is actually complete aversion from sexual feelings, thoughts, and actions. Using this definition I feel that people can masturbate and still have "abstinence", because they are not actually having intercourse with another person.

I mean, seriously, virginity is in someone's mind, and really should only be thought of as being lost when intercourse is involved. Masturbation cannot be a way to lose your virginity. If that weren't the case, then all men would lose their virginity when they have wet dreams, because technically its still ejaculation, and arguably sexual thoughts. Same goes for women. Even though the breaking of the hymen (I.E. "popping the cherry") is commonly associated with losing virginity, it shouldn't. There are many ways to have it break, whether intense exercise like sports, or stress, or simply having it come off as it does in some cases.

I think if you don't masturbate, its even worse. All that tension that builds up screws with your body and your brain, and ends up creating urges and desires that are unnecessary, and sometimes even dangerous. This is all my opinion however. "
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Reply #14 - 11/26/07  6:01am
" And a very interesting opinion raised indeed. "
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Reply #15 - 11/26/07  3:16pm
" What about prostrate health?

If you think it you have done it. "
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Reply #16 - 11/28/07  11:44am
" I don't think masturbation should be shameful or anything like that. It is natural to want to have sex-same for a woman as it is a man. Not all ladies commend each other for celibacy. I don't think there is anything wrong with it! "
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Reply #17 - 12/05/07  5:16pm
" I just want to add another voice to the "yes women masturbate" point. I think it's just that they don't talk about it as much because it's more intimate? I don't know what word I want there.

I've always struggled with this particular topic because I am a practicing Christian. It does take away the urge, but is it worth it if you feel guilty afterwards? And is the guilt your own conviction or is it what you've heard all your life.

I mean, would people rather me scratch the itch or go off and sleep with some random guy who can scratch my itch? Then again, the aspect of self control and being able to truly abstain from all types of sexual activity is what the church is aiming for. I don't know how many Christians actually go without any sexual thoughts ever until marriage. Quite frankly I think I'd go insane.

I'm not saying to lock yourself in a room, go nuts and orgasm to death because there is such a thing as too much, even if it's self sex. I've been there and it's hard to come back, just like having too much sex.

I'm definitely still confused on the issue...lol "
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Reply #18 - 12/11/07  12:04am
" I was taught by my mom that masterbating is wrong. I have been married and it is hard to just stop. The only way I have been able to keep myself pure is to masterbate. I really don't know if it is wrong or not. I really don't think about anyone when I do so. I sometimes think about how good it feels. I can't always get off, and this frustrates me. It seems I can't get my mom out of my head. SO I have wondered this same thing. Thank you for bringing it up.

Even when I was married I wanted sex more than him. I have to learn to do without sex. I am not married now and want to be able to say to someone that I waited however long for them. So far, with masterbation it has worked. I think I am the only woman I know that wants sex more than men! "
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Reply #19 - 12/15/07  8:08pm
" well to me it means no sex altogether...maybe it's not healthy...i don't know...i think feeling negative about your body is where most problems come in...i abstain, but i don't really want to...i'm just not a commodity, having a boy's face i do next to nothing for women, and i really have no care to be gay...some people just weren't made for sex...it sucks "
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Reply #20 - 12/21/07  12:23pm
" I hope not :/ "

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