Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group

sorry to break it to you but there is no such thing as normal. I know what its like to become jealous. I've waited a long time to find it and I have, except he's too far away. Be patient, even though it's the hardest thing some times.

Also, cats are amazing cuddlers. Dogs too.

I have to agree with Red. I don't think there is a normal....and if there is...I think it'd probably be boring.

I'm in the same boat as you hon, but like Red also said, pets are great cuddlers. Sometimes just watching TV with my kitten Gabby asleep and purring on my chest is better than what any person could do for me.

People often forget to work on themselves. When desiring a mature relationship - a great start is to prepare yourself and figure out if you are really ready for a hair-pulling, frustrating, annoying commitment.

What helps me is to not romanticize every detail of a relationship. Its not always going to be cuddle, cuddle, love, snuggle, etc... Relationships are hard and require much selflessness that people are not used to.

So maybe just focus on being comfortable with yourself and let the relationship happen when it does. That way you at least get to enjoy it when it does come along.

Oh and ya, its normal to want intimacy and love. God created us for that =)

Wow. lol. I want the same thing. Haha thought i was alone out there. Im beggining to change my mind on this though. I went through most of highschool staying single for a girl who wasn't a drunk, a slut, or some combination of the two. I actually thought i found one my junior year. Dated her for a year and had a beautiful relationship (we did have sex but it's not as if that defined our relationship). Then she turned out to be both a drunk and slut when she told me she wanted to be single so when she goes to college she can party (basically be a drunk and a slut). The moral: don't take these posts as hard fact, they mind as well be telling you to wait for the apocalypse. Im not trying to offend anyone here but im sorry, i just dont think its going to happen. I am a freshman in college and i have only had one intimate relationship with the girl i mentioned above. Ive tried to live life morally, and i look around and see everyone being sluts and drunks. I never drank before, but im debating pledging a fraternity tonight just because theres no point not too. Whats the good in being clean, in being virgin, in being good, when everyone around you is getting worse each day. Searching for a clean good person in the twenty-first century is like winning the lottery twice in a row, and so if you like those odds then by all means, hold onto morals, personally, and i have no reason to lie in this blog, they have gotten me nowhere but into a state of bipolar, depression and mania. Anyway if anyone wants to message me id love to continue this conversation privately.

First, I totally agree that there is no such thing as "normal". I also believe that while you are single it is a great opportunity to work on ourselves and figure out who we are and what we want.

My older brother used to tell me "don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides" (I am sure he got it from someone else but I give him the credit). I say that to remind you to be careful about being jealous of others because you don't really know what that relationship is like behind closed doors. Try to focus on the positive blessings. I know that can be easier said than done but it is worth a try.

im not jealous of them just of what they have......i want a relationship where i can lay in bed and cuddle with a guy and not have it leading to sex......i hate sex.....its pants and has done me nothing but bad....i want to be normal meaning i want to have a normal life.....im far from normal im screwed up but i want to be loved......is that too much to ask??????

I understand exactly what you mean, lonestar. But really, how many sexually inactive people do you know that have that? We are a minority. A lot of people say that they are Chaste, but few actually are, and finding someone with your same level of commitment to Chastity is like trying to find water in a desert.

I don't know how far you plan to go with your decision to not have sex, whether it's just temporary or a lifelong commitment, but as sexually inactive people we are different and life is not easy for us. Not because of who or what we are, but because of other people’s attitudes. Society simply cannot tolerate anyone who does not have sex regardless of why or for how long. And in a world that has a hard time just accepting abstinence until marriage… a person like me for whom Chastity is a lifelong commitment is treated as a freak and a total outcast. I try to be strong, but it does wear me down at times. I start to feel that I am the only person in the world who does not want sex, who lives this lifestyle, or who deals with these issues. On the worst occasions, I start to feel so freakish and abnormal that I think that I don’t deserve to be loved. I think that not being able to find a guy who is Chaste like me to be in a relationship with is the world’s way of punishing me. At that point there is a very small part of me that wishes that I were “normal” (“normal” meaning lustful, hedonistic, and sexually promiscuous) just so I could have what other people take for granted, and that is the freedom just to live freely.

But then I come back to my senses and I know that no matter how much I may wish for the freedoms and opportunities that “normal” people have -- I am not like them and wouldn’t want to be. Still, does that mean that I and others like me have to settle for less? As lonestar said, is a normal life…. whatever that would mean for people living in Chastity if we had the freedom to pursue it and were not so oppressed by our oversexed society…. too much to ask??????

Hi, I just question the reason why the abstinnance - i agree but i guess where i'm going with this is - is it crossing the line to asexual? I feel as if i am because i ccould go 4ever without the urge (horny), and also when ii had i didn't enjoy it. i say to those don't give in - stick with your decision but sexuality has all different aspects - mine may be medical or maybe i'm a freak - my ex says i am and divorced me after 25 yrs because of it. but i agree - even if i am asexual i still want a partner to enjoy life with and be affectionate with. i bet there is more than we know - they just don't want to come out about it.

In response to coprhed‘s post:

As far as “asexuality” is concerned I do not like the term "asexual." I mentioned this before under a previous topic titled "FREAK" (click this link to view the discussion: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Abs...)

I think that the term “asexual” is demeaning and reinforces the idea that people who don't desire sex are something less than human. There are already enough negative forces in society that are trying to dehumanize, marginalize, and belittle us. We certainly don‘t need to participate in our own repression by defining ourselves in accordance with their views. Somebody came up with this term and all of a sudden people accept it without question. Please don't take this the wrong way anybody -- but only sheep just accept things without questioning them.

If you are using the term "asexual" to describe yourself I want you to stop for a moment and think about what it is you're really doing. You are basically putting yourself on the same level with an amoeba, which is the lowest form of life on the planet. You are denying your sexuality… by the way; sexuality does NOT require the act of sex. If you are heterosexual, you are NOT “asexual.” Being attracted to the opposite sex, regardless of whether you physically do anything about it, is sexual in itself. And lastly, you are denying your gender. You are inadvertently classifying yourself as a sexually ambiguous being that is not male or female, and is neither masculine nor feminine.

I don’t know about you, but I am not calling myself by any name that forces me to deny my humanity, who I am, and what I feel. Society wants to sweep those of us who don’t want sex under the carpet so they don’t have to deal with us as people, but I’m not going to play their game. I am not “asexual!” I am a heterosexual female, and what is more…. I am a human being that does not desire sex. Deal with it.

I apologize to anyone I may have offended and I regret that this post was so long-winded, but sometimes you just need to vent. This is something that has annoyed me for a long time but I never had an opportunity to say anything about it. I just wanted it to be known that “asexual” is by no means an “official” definition that can be applied to, or is accepted by, every person that lives a decent and lust-free life.

WHAT is normal indeed!

Honestly it sounds like you don't have a great support system. Who is there to support you? is there anyone you can have a good chat with or coffee with from time to time?

We all form attachment with things and people differently, it's important to be able to develop intimacy; and sex doesn't have to have anything to do with a lot of that. Of course, opposite sex relationship/friendships do often get complicated so knowing ones boundaries while seeking out intimacy is essential :)

www.koorong.com has some great books on these things such as 'the five love languages' and 'boundaries'

let me know what you think!