ADHD / ADD Support Group

Bless your heart! Hug, Hug,Hug! I guess there is a diagnosed problem since you knew you knew you would have problems since he was 6mos old.
I will say that some of the things you mentioned sound like a 4 year old, but that being said, you know more about him first hand. I will say that kids need structure and being CONSISTENT is essential and hard sometimes. God will give you endurance if you turn to Him. You have the power and strength to be the Mom your little boy needs. I feel sure that all parents have doubted, been tired, questioned and been exhausted at some point while raising children.
If you think that he has other issues maybe a psychological exam would help you understand what could be the problem and how best to prepare and handle it.
Medications? Well, everyone has to choose what they think is the best for their child. All individuals may have various responses to different medications...that is what I have read. I have had to make choices about this and I struggled deeply with it. I have had to focus on the fact that I would have to monitor closely and know that I could stop the medication if needed..it is not permanent. We use focalin xr...I DO NOT know how or if you medicate a 4yr old...you need to consult your pediatrician first and go from there.
Please know that all I have said is with good intentions and in hopes that it can help you. I will check back with you. Hold and love him...time will pass quickly...I do say.. use the gifts God has given you for bringing out the best in your child. It may not fix everything but you can make a difference in his life. Continue to stand up for him..be strong..he needs you.

We didn't get an official diagnosis yet. We just knew he wasn't like normal babies. We've had many, many foster children of all ages. I have had some tough ones, and he's definitely not the hardest, but he's a close second or third.

We are going to get him evaluated. Just seeing other boys his age, and having lived with other boys his age, I just can see that he has many differences. Many "normal" behaviors manifest in him with an unusually high intensity.

I guess what I need is advice on how to handle the intensity. I get to the point where my concentration is affected because there is so much interference from him. I feel inadequate - not up to the task of properly raising a child like this. I love him dearly, but I feel unprepared for what he deals to me, and I feel that I make so many mistakes. It's difficult for me to decide whether to be harder on him or easier on him. Then when I decide to be firmer, life sucks, and when I decide to let up a bit, life sucks.

We are getting him evaluated soon because I decided I want to enjoy parenting, and I will do what it takes to get to that point.

Anyway, I guess basically I just need to vent right now. I am sure that as he gets older the challenges will ease up. Thanks for your reply. You're right. I do need to rely on God more.

I understand just needing to vent...we will all listen. I hope that you can take a moment at the time. I can appreciate the fact that it is challenging. I hope that you can take each moment and embrace/handle it the best way you know how. Take all of the knowledge you have and apply it the best way you can for each moment with your son.
I still say that consistency is very important regardless of how you feel in the moment. I KNOW it is exhausting but you are the one that can handle it. He is depending on you.
Bless you and my prayers are with you.

I can relate... Today I felt the need to vent. My 10 year old has recently been diagnosed with a handful of add related garbage, and it is sooo overwhelming! I too knew when my son was very young that he was different, and he was diagnosed with a disorder at 4 months old that basically meant he was very visually impaired. We have 5 boys and he is the only one from a different father. I would lay my life down for that kid, but sometimes I just feel so bad for my other children because of the amount of time I have to spend with him. I know exactly how you feel with the not knowing how hard to go on him. He is not medicated yet, just trying some natural things first, but so far its not showing enough improvement. I am praying that it will, because I fear medicating him. Just what do we do as parents?! What are the right choices, and what IS their "fault" as normal rambunctious boys and what are the behaviors they can't control?! It is so frustrating and scary and intimidating. And all the while the world passes and they are getting older and what happens if we make too many mistakes or wait too long to make ANY mistakes...I hope this wasn't depressing, I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and if you ever need to talk to someone who is going through it, feel free to send a note :)

Please don't beat yourself up. What you are going through is normal and no matter how many books you read or how many parenting classes you attend, your child is an individual and your feelings are real and understood. Unfortunately, when dealing with fostercare children, there are so many other factors that may be involved. Although you have had him since 4 months old, factor in how you got him.

If he is in foster care, he was TAKEN from a situation and to be that young, he could have been abused as an embryo (meaning the pregnancy probably was not as healthy as it should have been).

Patience is a virtue that is easier spoken about then realized. You are not a bad parent nor are you a bad person. You are someone who loves for a child and are reaching out because you are human and this is not easy for you (nor is it for anyone else in similar situations, I don't care how the books and classes talk about it).

How old is the child? Medications may or may not be the solution. I've seen good and bad when it comes to stuff like this. Medication could have long term negative effects, especially if it doesn't agree with his body or if mis-prescribed because of behavior alone. However, if your child is properly diagnosed and medicated, it could work wonders. Get him evaluated and seriously pray about the situation.

This is hard but you will get through this, I know you will. PLEASE consult with a pediatrician before you medicate your child because there are risk involved with the medication of ANYONE and even more so in children, especially the younger they are.

God bless and good luck with everything.

My heart hurts today. I am feeling so discouraged. It's just too hard for me, and I am not handling his misbehavior very well. He's kept me in tears for the last hour or so, and I am not a cryer. I am feeling overwhelmed and overburdened. I have two and a half more years until he's in school full time. How the hell are we going to make it that long? Maybe I should get a job and put him in day care. Let him be someone else's problem for the majority of the day. I would hate to miss out on the good things, but right now, there aren't many anyway. SO that's where I am today.

Hang in there...YOU CAN DO IT. He needs you and you are capable of doing this. I hope that you have an eval set up already and are talking with your pediatrician. What is so very bad/different about today..is it different from other days. Does he need a know that sounds kind of silly but could you try it. Do you have any in house/local support person? I can tell you are at your wits end and I wish I could help you more. Try and keep a diary at nite when he is asleep and that will help dr better understand what he is doing and possibly lead to a healthy way to cope with this.
I will keep praying for you. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND KEEP TAKE THE NEXT RIGHT STEP. Hold him and love him when you don't know what else to do....its worth a try when you are at a loss for anything else.

It's every day, but not totally every part of every day, but at least a few times a day I feel like he is out of control, and I don't know what do do with him. We have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow, so hopefully they'll give me some ideas.

well I am glad that he has an appt with the dr tomorrow..hopefully that will give you some quick insight. I wish you good luck and will keep in touch. Maybe you could consider having some "me " time during the week...to give you and him a break. Do you have a church that has a 'mothers morning out" or something. You both might need a break from each other if you are together everyday .. all day. Just a thought.

When we were talking about putting my 6 year old granddaughter on meds I was afraid of losing the essense of what made her Paige, but this didn't happen. The wonderful child I have been raising for the past few years is still here but she has leveled off from a lot of her ADHD behaviors. She has stated that she feels better now. Life is not perfect with her but it sure is better. Good luck. Paige came from a bad situation with a mom on drugs and a deadbeat dad, so it is hard to know what caused her problems but neglet was there. She has blossomed since leaving her mom and now with the Vyvanse she is happier with herself.