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Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurologic syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distrac...
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Failure as a parent
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I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. I can't do this by myself, at least not the RIGHT way.
I can't be consistent with bedtimes. I can get my son to finish his homework. I can't keep myself off the computer when I should be doing other things. I can't get dinner ready on time. I can't prioritize what needs to be done when and therefore things get all hurried and harried til the last minute or not done at all. I make up new rules and don't follow them. I can't even always remember to give the kids their meds in the morning and sometimes forget my own. Even with notes all around the house, and even with them sitting out where we all see them. The three of us with the condition get so distracted by every little thing. And of course, my daughter is the most challenging child in the world. When she doesn't get her right amount of sleep, or her meds, she is an absolute BEAR. It takes literally almost an hour sometimes to get her out of bed. All she did this morning was walk around the house, whining and crying about how tired she was, how stressed she was, that she wanted to go in late or stay home (which I was not allowing again, & I already feel conflicted about allowing it the first time yesterday), and she was being demanding and snotty and NOT GETTING READY! I was screaming at her and even told her to "Get the FUCK ready!" I almost never swear at the kids. I threatened to take her in to school in her bathrobe and give the teacher a bag with her clothes for her to get dressed at school b/c she wasn't budging. Sweet Austin got all dressed and ready without much trouble this morning, but I hounded him all night long to get his homework done, which is already at a reduced level than his classmates, and he told me this morning he still didn't finish it. What the hell must the teachers think of me, that I can't get my son to do a couple pages of homework each night? And of course I've got all these forms to fill out that overwhelm me as it is, (selling our home and me trying to buy a new one, employment forms since I don't make shit for money, divorce forms, etc) and never ending laundry, cooking, (well, heating up in the microwave! lol) dishes, mopping, picking up stuff all the time, appointments, working, and so much fucking stuff to remember and take care of all the time. I feel overwhelmed and incompetent. Posted on 11/04/09, 08:11 am |
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Incompetent...NOPE, just human. Overwhelmed? I would definitely agree. I'm truly empathize with you too because to go through a divorce is already in and of itself stressful. I can not give you the best advice at this time but I can pray for you and let you know that all will be fine.
It may not seem like it now while your going through this fire if you will, but endure and remain as strong as possible because when you get through this fire you will be pure as gold. All will work itself out, I know it will. I can only imagine how trying finances are in the midst of all you are going through, but try to seek some assistance with your kids. There are tutors out there who VOLUNTEER versus charge to assist remarkable women like yourself. I know b/c I was that way up until I start having kids myself (they are so young that although I tutor and assist others when I can, I just am not as involved as I used to be...I have a 3 year old son and an infant who is 10 months). As busy as you are, I would still suggest something else. Keep a journal of how you feel and in a month or 2 from now, either share with a close friend or use it as therapy for youself and your kids later. One day your daughter can go back and read (if you like) to see how her momma can relate to her b/c of some of the things you have gone through. With us, ORGANIZATION is key and that is not always the easiest thing to do. The stickies around the house may get a little stuffy...maybe get a calendar (a lot of places are giving out 2010 calendars out for free this time of year) and try writing things down on it. SO WHAT if you did NOT or do not get through your things to do list or what is written out...the goal is to try to become more organized one day at a time. It will all work out and your life will soon be back to a place where you can deal. IT MAY SEEM impossible, but girl, you are doing it. You will be fine, you are not alone! 
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You are not a failure. We all try to do the best we can. May I suggest that you could use your crock pot for meals...put the food in and put it on low and it will be done when you get home . You can cook anything in it..I would have never made it thru some times without it.
Also, try to do homework and supper and then have about 30 mins downtime with the kids before bed..read a book to them or watch a tv show.. it helps get mine settled before bed. Then after they have gone to bed do a couple of things around the house each nite. Maybe you could give it a try. I am sorry that you are so very stressed out...I can see that the kids are too. I admire you for hanging in there. You could see if you could get some help with the kids..it is hard doing it all by yourself . I am sorry about your divorce. Hang in there.
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