ADHD / ADD Support Group

Hello,Im new here as well and im happy I found this.I completely understand where your comming from on this issue.My son just turned 11 in Sept ans we just moved to a small town last December.He has made a couple friends but it seems like nothing concrete,if you know what I mean.Hes very smart and good hearted,does well in school,but he too has his little strange quircks..lol. He is not at all the athletic type wich doesnt help much.It breaks my heart to when he comes home to tell me when ever they have group participation in class he is never picked..he is always last.my son and yours sound very similar in many ways.Ive raised mine on my own practically with the father not around and having gone thro abusive relationships didnt help at all over the years...I seriously think its a self esteem low confidence issue,maybe resulting thro something hes experienced in his life ...that has scarred him..i dont know.I do know as parents we hurt alot to see our kids going thro any kind of turmoil.its very late but i will be back and would love to talk to you..in the mean time,hang in there.

Have you tried play dates? Since you move a lot it's probably a little rough on your little man to get adjusted, but you become social and allow him to be amongst those social groups.

For example, there are programs out there like boy scouts, youth league sports & music as well as groups of parents out there who have kids similar to yours and you all can bond and have like a play date for them once or twice a month.

Also, what are his interest and what part of the world do you live in? Think about the things that interest him and possibly allow him to be involved in those things and he will meet other kids who have the same interest and it starts there.

One more thing, it sounds like your baby boy is a little bossy in the classroom, not sure. But if he is the way you say he is, loves class but gets annoyed with other students when they are talking, etc., kids may not respond as well to him because of that.

Teach him that although it is great to pay attention in class, not be talkative, etc., he is NOT the teacher. He should not concern himself with the way others behave. He needs to just be accepting of the Talkative students, although that may be a trait he does not like and in a while, he will notice that those same people will be more accepting of him, even if there are things about himself that may be considered an annoyance to others.

He can also try writing his old friends and keeping in touch with them. Perhaps he can make pen pals and maybe if you and his old friends are close enough, there can be holiday and or summer visits.

I AM NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST by any means, but I have worked with a lot of children. I hope my suggestions and comments help. God bless!

I agree with that you could look around for groups that he could join. Find a church with an active youth group..that would help you get settled in town and get to know others too. If you don't attend church regularly just make yourself and things will fall into place. I will keep you in my prayers.

There is a great therapist who you might want to look up for resources on social skills. If you google her you will find several books, sites etc that could be helpful. Her name is MIchelle Garcia Winner. The book I purchased is costly, but well worth it as you can even help your son yourself- http://health.msn.com/health-topic...

Best of luck to you!

My dh goes to a social skills class. You might look for one in your area. She also has "Lunch Bunch" with the school psychologist and several children each week from her class. We're also starting to do playdates after school so she can get to know kids better outside of school. All the best!

Hi there

I can sympathise with you. I'm a parent too and I know what it's like feeling helpless about the hardships our children experience. However I have to say I don't think your son's lack of tolerance about noisy kids should be overlooked or dismissed as a trait he can potentially control. I have ADD and I have a hellish time with noise, not just when I'm trying to concentrate, but at other times too. If he's like me, and I'm not saying he is, but if he's like me he's working incredibly hard to focus on what he's trying to learn, and the noise is not just distracting, it is also very, very draining. I actually think it is a very good thing he is verbalizing it. I myself was so incredibly socially withdrawn that I didn't even know I couldn't pay attention. I didn't know noise bothered me because I withdrew and shut down. I just thought I was weird. Which is what your son might think if he is led to think all he has to do is accept the noisy classroom and that will help kids like him. He will not function well IF this is what his experience is like.

First thing I would do is speak to his doctor and find somebody who specializes in ADD, likely a child psychiatrist. Support is essential, not just for his well being, but for yours too, as his concerned and loving parent. We ADDers are draining and puzzling, and you will greatly benefit from the support of others. Then I would request a meeting with his teachers and principal and any other support people you can get. Talk to them about the things he has difficulty with and let them tell you how they're going to help him function better in class. Ask them to help him to take the opportunities he might otherwise miss or ignore to participate in social activities. It is their responsibility to provide him with the best possible learning experience possible, and he will definitely not be the first child they've dealt with who has ADD. I'd also find someone who specializes in ADD who can teach you ways to help him help himself. He can learn to recognize when he's becoming overwhelmed, you can teach him ways to calm himself down. We tend to get overwhelmed very easily. Maybe you could talk to his teachers about allowing him to take breaks by leaving the classroom if he needs to. Whatever works. And communicate regularly with his teachers so they don't get lazy and slip into old habits.

I can tell you the most damaging thing that happened to me as a child with ADD was that my parents ignored it. They didn't help me to cope and understand there were ways of dealing with life. Far above and beyond that, they didn't try to instill in me a sense that I was a wonderful child who was loved and adored. They tried to make me participate in social things that I literally was not able to handle, and they tried to punish me AND tried to reward me for participation in school. And when that didn't work they just gave up and ignored me. They didn't understand that I just could not socialize. I had too much noise in my mind to be able to step outside of my own little world to make friends. Going to school was tremendously hard because I could not focus on anything, and the more I tried, the more tired I became and the more I failed, which made my self esteem go down that much more, compounded by the thought that they just didn't care. I was alone. I was different. I was weird. And I had no one to tell me differently.

My thinking is that probably the key to helping an ADD kid is to accept them, love them, and encourage them whenever you can. Don't worry about the things they can't do, let the professionals figure out how to deal with that, and then tackle it with him as positively as you can. If he thinks he is loved and accepted and that the way he is, is just the way he is and he's a great kid regardless of the difficulties he's having, then he will handle things much more effectively knowing you're behind him every step of the way.

Anyway, I've said way too much. I just really feel for the kids with ADD because I know how hard and painful it is. I tend to get long winded about ADD, and for that I apologize.

I'll say one more thing though, exercise is essential to an ADD person. It helps to clear out negativity and frustration and really does help our brains function better. We feel more upbeat about ourselves and life in general when we exercise regularly.

Maybe he might find friends more easily outside of school. I'd find a club or class outside of school in something that really interests him, because that's where he's going to be able to communicate best.

Good luck. I know it's not easy but you're the most important piece in his puzzle. Just love him and adore him and cherish him. The time with our kids really does go so fast, and if you fill it with love, acceptance and positivity you'll have great memories when he is grown and gone, and so will he. I wish you all the best good Mommy!

Melanie

I would read and give him the book How to Win Friends and Influence People