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Advice:
How do I help my daughter?
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Tonight I started looking for online support groups for children with ADHD. I honestly don't know what to do anymore and am hoping someone in this group can help me.

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago. She is now 9. She was started originally on Concerta, but that caused decreased appetite and weight loss. She is tiny and her doctor became very concerned that she was losing weight, so we put her on Adderall. She was on Adderall for about 20 months. It worked "ok". She did better in school, she was fairly easy to redirect at home. She seemed content and was a normal, happy little girl. However, towards the end of her treatment, she started becoming hostile, mean-spirited, and physically mean to her twin sister. She would pinch, hit, bite..you name it. After talking with her doctor, we decided to pull her off meds for a few months and see how she did. Well, for the first 6 weeks, life was GREAT. She was so sweet, so loving, nice to her sister..yes, she had her moments, and yes they were worse than her sister's behavior, but it was better than when she was on meds. Unfortunately, her teacher started emailing me regularly, saying my daughter was very restless in class, falling behind, etc. I noticed that she was becoming more difficult to redirect at home, couldn't sit through an entire meal, couldn't sit still for more than 3 minutes, couldn't concentrate on anything. So, back to the doctor we went. They decided to put her on Strattera. We started on 10 mg. She did ok. Her teacher didn't report any great changes though and said she was still "having a hard time paying attention ". I talked to her doc and they upped the Strattera to 18mg. This seemed to do the trick. She is doing better in school. She was doing better at home. Until recently. For the last month, she has been..for lack of a better word, HOSTILE. She throws hour long tantrums. She is very disrespectful to me and her dad, my sister (who also does her daycare) and her sister. She says horrible things. She hits. She swears. She put a hole in the wall during one of her tantrums. I. Do. Not. Know. What. To. Do!!! I made her write sentences saying "I will not swear". 100 sentences. I grounded her from her bike. I grounded her from TV. I have tried spending more quality time with her, one on one "dates". And I have yelled. :( I HATE yelling. But nothing works. My husband and I are so frustrated. Today it all caught up with me and I just sat down and cried. What am I doing wrong? She is such a sweet, loving, funny, charming little girl. When she is acting like herself, that is. This isn't my daughter. She never used to act like this. It just started within the last month. Is the Strattera causing it? Am I missing something? (She was tested for depression, bipolar and ADHD at the same time. Depression and bipolar were ruled out) I made an appointment for her to go see her doctor on Wednesday. Something has to change, because this is not healthy for my little girl. This isn't healthy for her twin or the rest of our family either. Please...any advice would be so greatly appreciated. I am at the end of my rope. I just want to help my daughter. I want her to be happy and healthy. Why can't I find a happy balance for her? Any advice?
Posted on 05/17/11, 01:02 am
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Reply #1 - 05/17/11  1:02pm
" My 5yr.son trows those tantrums to he screams and trows things and tells me he hates me. All I can do is breath. He is taking sleeping meds. trough out the day to keep him calm. they work for that but the MEANNESS is breaking me down. My husband and i fight more often (not around him) because he has his way of punishing our son and mine is more understanding. We tried the mood stabilizers but they made my son feel dizzy so, i stopped that! Your daughter sounds like a loving and FUNNY little girl. I just keep thinking to myself THEY dont want to be like this no more then us. How is she doing in school? do they have any special teaching methods for her? are u going to counselling? "
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Reply #2 - 05/17/11  10:46pm
" Myself is going through some similar things as you. My daughter is 7 and has ADHD, ODD, and anxiety. She is such a good girl and so sweet, but there is just something that happens and she just gets so angry. She is hitting kids at school, never take blame for what she does. We have been hooked up with a place called Kinarks, so far it is great. We just went out on a family day. They took a few families out for a hike, we did krafts, and some games. It was nice to talk to other people who are going through things that I am going through. I love my daughter with all my heart but it is so frustrating at times that I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless .. When she says to me at bedtime...mommy I am sorry for everything and I love you with all my heart...That shows me that I can't stop fighting for my baby....My daughter is taking Vyvanse, she is doing well on it at school. Mornings are very tough we get into a lot of struggles here before her medication kicks in. She has lost a lot of weight and our doctor is concerned about that. Our doctor sees that the drug is helping her but with weight loss we may have to take her off. All I can say is that you are not alone... I know that it is not the help you are looking for but these feelings that you are having I am having them too. "
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Reply #3 - 05/19/11  10:16am
" My 7 yr old goes through the tantrums and mulipitive. You tell him "no" b/c he wanted a motorized motercycle and it is a 3 hr battle of nagging, hitting, screaming, and on and on why we should get him one and right now. My son is on Vvanese and it works good at school,and then he takes 10 mg adderall when he gets home from school, ( which is not enough) I guess I have no good advice but that I know what you are goiong through and I am here if you need more support. "
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Reply #4 - 05/20/11  11:07am
" I have a 9yr old daughter as well who was diagnosed with ADHD. With all ADHD medications, from my experience, the side-effects for 1 is aggressiveness. We went through Ritalin, Adderall, Vyvanse and Concerta. Most medications are "stimulants," and it seems the minute they don't start working....the dosage goes up along with and increasing chance of side-effects. For 1, my advice is to stop the Strattera (with the advice from your doctor) to rule out the possibility of her experiencing the side-effect. Next, I would seek a Psychiatrist. No offense, but they are "masters" at "mental health" where-as your family doctor deals with a multitude of diagnoses. Honestly, if you have a heart issue you would go to a cardiologist, not your family doctor.

I understand your frustration, I have been living, for 4 years now, with the frustration and difficulties, especially the fact that you are the mom and you are suppose to "fix" your child, but I am also a LPN and my daughter always tells me "why can't you fix it." It's very hard and frustrating because I have tried so many things and it breaks my heart that I cannot "help" make everything go away or "fix it." "

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