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Advice:
My house is a mess!
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My home is so badly out of order that it causes problems in my marriage.
I myself am affected by the negativity it produces. In-laws don't speak well of a messy unorganized home and for some reason these opinions always manage to get to my ears one way or another. I only notice the mess because my husband comments on it. I feel so busy. I know I am not lazy! I am exhauseted by 8PM! I am starting to feel like a total looser! No matter how hard I try....there is no time for everything! I feel incompetent. (and my husband does not hesitate to remind me of it when he is upset) help!
Posted on 10/22/07, 03:19 pm
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Reply #1 - 10/22/07  6:24pm
" Depression can cause you not to want to get up and do much. I was once the same way. At one time I suffered from depression. I could not get out of bed,clean my house,take care of our 3 children.When you have some many things going on around you the last thing you want to think about is cleaning up after others. You are drained and need some down time. How old are are you children? Perhaps they can help mom in keeping the house tip top shape. And you know it does not hurt for Dad to help out either if he is understanding. Then that way you can feel you have gotten things done plus not feel some overwelmed. Time for a family meeting. "
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Reply #2 - 10/22/07  7:31pm
" I live with just myself and my house is just as much a mess as it was when I had a houseful. I do have two tenants and they keep their area ok and I struggle - they think I am hopeless, I understand this can be because of dyslexia and ADHD...do you think it is? I try so hard I REALLY do, but always seem to leave a trail of things behind me as I wander from one thing to another...goodness only knows what type of old lady I will become....but I suspect your house is a creative house? most ADHD p[eople are creative..lol "
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Reply #3 - 10/24/07  12:51pm
" I have a very untidy house too. I can get it tidy if i invite people over. the stress helps me prioritise (i know i dont have 5 hrs to tidy up the cupboard under the stairs! tho i do try to do that too!)I expect the last thing you want to do right now is invite people round. I find generally i feel better about myself if i can just keep the toilet and the kitchen sink and surfices clean, so i know im not going to pioson anyone! Hope your feeling happier soon. x x "
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Reply #4 - 10/24/07  7:31pm
" My house is messy too, not filthy but messy. My house is always full of kids and their stuff. My kids, their friends, my two dogs, and my five cats. Just keeping up with laundry and cat hair is exhausting, not to mention dishes. My philosophy is this. Invest time in the things that live on. Your kids, your husband, and friends. In forty years from now, no one will care if the house was a mess, only if it was a good place to be. Create memories and relationships. If all you remember about a person, is what their home looked like, then they couldn't have been that much fun, or interesting, or frankly...worth knowing. If your house is filthy, then you may want to look at things from a health perspective. If you pack-rat you might want to look at what hole in your life you are filling with things, or why collecting things makes your anxiety more manageable. But if your house is just messy because you devote your time to people and not to dust, and wiping down a counter 10 times a day, then tell whomever doesn't like it to help you out or quit complaining. Sometimes husbands just don't understand how much we need and have to handle in a day. Being a mom is equivalent to two full time jobs. Now add special needs into the mix. Whoa! By the way, in-laws, especially mother-in-laws, in my opinion, have a tendency to think that what their sons grew up with, is what they should marry. That didn't work out so well for my mother-in-law, but hey..I'm not married to her, so I really don't care what she thinks. My husband always backs me up. He married me not her. If he didn't back me up, he knows where his mommy lives and I would tell him to run home to mommy. I'm sure you are NOT a loser. I'm sure you aren't incompetent. You just need a little support. If you are negatively affected by the house, see what you can do to make it better. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take care. "
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Reply #5 - 10/28/07  12:22pm
" wash up..oh the dusting...aha there is that magazine i was looking for..sit down reading..damn I was doing the washing up..on way to sink i trip over dog, he needs a walk. 5 mins later i am outside and wondered what i was supposed to be doing. is that familiar? i try and make myself feel better by doing 1 task a day and completing it really well. when my boyfriend moans i ask him if he could pls finish the jobs i started! it does help :) "
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Reply #6 - 10/28/07  1:12pm
" I can say I do not live in the world of June Clever. I do not have a messy home but there are just days with so much going on that I just don't have the time. If it is that bad you might sit down and write out a plan of attack and try and just get one thing accomplished at a time. Dishes and laundry are three jobs in one, and it is a never ending task. If their are childern in the home they are never to young to help out. My son has his chores and he is 6, and there is no reason why your husband can not help out over the weekend. You could make it a family thing in one room. Here is a little note I have framed on my wall. It explains it all.


Come in, but dont expect to find all dishes done or all floors shined.
Observe the crumpled rug, the toys galore, the sumdgy fingerprinted door.
The little ones we shelter here, dont thrive on spotless atmosphere.
They're more inclined to disaray, and carefree, even messy play.
Their needs are great, their patience small.
All day I'm at their beck and call.
It's Mommy come! It's Mommy see! Wiggly worms and redscraped knees.
Painted picture blocks piled high. My floor unshined the day goes by.
Some future day they'll flee the nest. And I at last will have a rest.
AND WHICH REALLY MATTERS MORE? A HAPPY CHILD OR A POLISHED FLOOR. "
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Reply #7 - 10/28/07  1:51pm
" When my house is a mess, it's a pretty good indicator that I'm a mess on the inside. It doesn't matter how much time I do or don't have to clean up if I'm depressed and/or lacking focus/motivation.

I *DO* tidy up the place quite well when expecting guests, and I've found it helps to invite people over more often, so I HAVE TO clean up. This doesn't help with the heap of laundry and mess I can hide in my bedroom with the door closed, but it's a start!

In addition, it helps me to take notice of how much better I feel when my house is clean and (at least somewhat) organized. "
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Reply #8 - 10/28/07  10:56pm
" Mine too! I too feel totally overwhelmed and incompetent because of the mess. I agree that when my house is totally out of order, I'm a mess on the inside as well. I too clean for "company" like a mad woman...my husband just loves for me to invite other Mom's over for coffee in the afternoon! Are you depressed? Do you have a physical issue like Hypothyroid or Fibromyalgia going on? I have both, and have to remind myself, that ANYTHING I get done in the house, is an accomplishment. I have to remind myself not to see it in all or nothing terms. Hope this helps! "

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